Without Him
by Lady Elwen
Summary: Jack's decided to go to Santa Fe after all. Written in Sarah's POV.


Without Him

*Author's notes: Hullo everybody! My first fic, Newsies or otherwise. Scary, no? :o) I usually only review everybody else's stories, so I'd say it's about time I did one of my own. Anyway. I have no clue what made me write this. I'm not a big fan of Sarah's, but always wondered how she'd react to Jack leaving. So read and review! *cringes* And who knows? I may write another…

*Disclaimer: Don't own them, wish I did, but alas, they belong to Disney.  

I watch him talking to David on the fire escape, wishing he'd leave already. I can't bear to look at him anymore. When I do, when I look into his eyes, memories of good times, bad times, hopes and dreams, how it was supposed to be flood my mind. What will I do without him? I don't even want to think about it. Tears form behind my eyes and I quickly look back down at my sewing to distract myself. Impossible.

I look up again to see him gazing through the window at me. David's leaning out over the railing of the fire escape, his head bowed. He'll miss Jack too. They're best friends. And I don't even want to think about Les... Les will be devastated. His cowboy is leaving. 

I smile at him, trying my best to make it look sincere. It's not like he needs any more burdens. I won't do that to him. I see him take a deep breath before he opens the window and climbs into the apartment. No, Jack, I think. Don't. I don't know if I can bear it. But he does. He walks over to where I'm sitting, cloth in my lap. He just stands there for a moment, looking down at me. I don't say anything and neither does he. 

Finally, he kneels. He takes my hands and holds them gently in his. "Sarah..." He looks lost. "Sarah, I just can't say here, ya know?" 

"Jack, you don't have to justify this to me," I tell him softly. And he doesn't. I understand. I may hate it, but I do understand. He wasn't made for New York. 

He smiles sadly and reaches up to brush my cheek with his knuckles. "I wish ya could come wit me," he says. So do I, Jack. But we've already discussed this. I only nod, not trusting my voice.

We sit in silence for a minute. He's still holding my hands, running his thumbs over my palms. That was something that surprised me about him at first. That this boy, this newsie, so tough and brave, could be so gentle. Always infinitely gentle. With me, with Les, David, the other newsies... That's something I love about him. Something I'll miss. With that thought in mind, I slip my hands away from his and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close in a tight hug. He seems surprised at first and doesn't respond immediately, but then hugs me back, his strong arms holding me like he'll never let go. I wish he wouldn't.

"Maybe... Maybe ya can come out when I get a place a' my own. I'll send for ya. I'll come back for ya," he whispers fiercely. "I will, Sarah." He turns his face and kisses my neck, making me shiver, and my tears return. 

"I know you will, Jack," is my shaky reply. But I know in my heart that he won't. So does he. 

A tear falls onto his shoulder. He looks up at me again. "Aw, Sarah, don't cry," he begs.

"I'm not crying." I sniffle.

He grins at my lousy lie and my heart skips a beat, the way it always does when he smiles at me like that. Then he gets serious again. "Will ya go to tha station wit me?" he asks quietly.

I don't want to. I don't want to see him get on that one way train to Santa Fe. I want to stay here, in my room, and cry. "Yes."

He smiles again, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Good." He looks out the window at David, who's still standing there looking out over the railing. "I'm gonna miss 'im. God, I'm gonna miss awl a' ya," he confesses, turning back to me. "You an' Les an' da boys..." Sympathy and love for this boy fill my heart. I stroke his hair. He sighs, suddenly looking pained and doubtful. "What if I ain't doin' tha right thing? What if... What if I shouldn't be goin' ta Santa Fe?"

"Jack, Santa Fe is your dream. You're going to go and live your dream." Meet a beautiful girl and fall in love. Have lots a children. And forget about New York. Forget about me. I don't say these last things, of course. These inevitable things. "You'll be happy."

"And what about you, Sarah?" he asks.

"I'll be fine. You're going to come back for me, remember?" I say with a sad smile.

He just stares at me sadly for a moment. I can't tell what he's thinking. I don't know if I want to. "Yeah," is all he says.

Just then, the door to the apartment opens and Les skips in, wooden sword in hand, as usual. He's singing something and swinging his sword around in the air. When he sees Jack, he stops and beams. "Hiya Cowboy!" he greets. 

Jack smiles broadly and stands up, dropping my hands and shoving his into his pockets. "Hey, Les," he says. "How's it goin'?" I run a hand quickly over my face, in case any tears still linger. 

"Great!" Les exclaims, running to him. "I sold ten whole papers today, with Racetrack! I got a quarter from one man who said I looked like his own little kid." He pulls the shiny object out of his pocket and shows it proudly to Jack, who pulls a hand out of his pocket to take it from him. "I did just like ya taught me."

"Yeah. You's almost as rich as Pulitzah, kiddo," he tells him, handing the quarter back. "Whatcha gonna buy wit it, huh?"

"I'm not gonna spend it all. Mama says to save my money for when I need it. And guess what, Jack?"

"What?"

"I'm gonna save it to go to Santa Fe! I wanna be a cowboy just like you. So when I save up enough dollars, can you n' me go to Santa Fe, Jack? Just to visit," he adds quickly, misinterpreting Jack's expression of unease. "Since you're gonna stay in New York with Sarah. But we can visit, right? We can take the train!" He begins to dance around and jump in the air, acting like a cowboy on a horse. 

I chew on my lower lip nervously and look from my excited little brother to Jack. He swallows and clears his throat. "Les," he begins, looking at his feet. 

"Yeah, Cowboy?" Les stops and looks at him expectantly. 

"Les, I, uh... I gotta tawk to ya 'bout somethin'." Poor Jack. He knows this will hurt Les more than anyone. Les adores him, and the feeling's mutual.

My brother seems to sense something's wrong and he frowns. "What's wrong, Cowboy?"

Jack sighs and looks up at me, then at Les. "Les, I ain't staying' in New York. I'm leavin' to go ta Santa Fe." His tone is lighthearted, trying to make this seem like less than it is. 

Les looks confused. "When?"

"Tanight."

"But... But Cowboy, I thought you were stayin' here. With me and David and Sarah." Les looks over at me as if I can confirm this. He looks like he's about to cry and it breaks my heart.

Jack takes a step closer to him. "I was Les, but I can't stay here no more. I need to go ta Santa Fe, ya understand?" His voice is pleading. Les' bottom lip quivers, a sign that he's going to cry, but he nods slowly. I know he doesn't understand.

"Are you going to come back?" Les asks, his voice quavering.

"Yeah, I'm gonna come back. Ta get Sarah. As soon as I get a place a' my own, I'm gonna come back and get ya sistah, Les. And ya can come to visit. Ya can visit me when I get a ranch. I'll even save a horse for ya, okay?" He's trying so hard to make it easier for him. I hold back my own tears as I watch Les begin to cry silently. But he nods again, looking up at Jack with wet eyes. 

"You promise?" he asks.

"Yeah, I promise. Whaddya want me ta name 'im?" he asks, ruffling Les' hair. 

Les doesn't answer. He throws his arms around Jack's waist and sobs into his stomach. Jack looks over at me again with a startled look on his face. I avert my eyes, feeling guilty for doing so, for not helping. 

When I look back, Jack's on his knees in front of a still crying Les. He's talking softly to him. I can't hear what he's telling him. Whatever it is, though, it seems to have an effect, because Les nods yet again and his crying subsides, leaving him with hiccups. He wipes his eyes. Jack gives an encouraging smile and pats Les' shoulder before standing up again. He looks at me, his smile gone. "I'm gonna go back an' get my stuff. Tell tha guys g'bye again. Will ya meet me at tha station at five?"

I nod silently. He heads toward the door, leaving Les and me staring after him, but stops when he gets there. He turns back around and strides quickly toward me. I frown, confused. A smile enters his eyes and he leans over me. The kiss is soft and lovely, his hands lightly caressing my cheeks, and I sigh when he breaks it. He adds another to my forehead and leaves, without looking back. 

Les walks slowly over to me and I set my sewing aside to make room for him. He climbs into my lap and hugs me, tears running down his little face. I hold him and stroke his hair, trying to give him comfort, though I'm feelings none myself. With a sigh, I stare at the closed door and I wonder, what am I going to do without him?

*Now off you go to review! Go on…


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